The moment I dreaded the most about my wedding day was the reception. The mere thought of having everyone’s eyes on me, on us, made me queasy. Little did my amateur mind know the most shocking occurrence was incessantly hearing, “When are you two having babies?”
Oh Lordy. I was not prepared for that.
Mark and I didn’t plan on breeding right away. We wanted a few years to enjoy and cultivate ourselves as just a couple. Logically, we took the necessary precautions and stuck to “our plan.”
Well, much to my surprise, things did not go according to the plan. Apparently, God did not get the memo we were ready for a baby.
Consequently, we spent five years trying to conceive. I was spared ever having a miscarriage. I just didn’t get pregnant. Not once.
People would joke, “Are you doing it right?” It was funny at first, then it fell flat after a while.
I certainly don’t blame anyone for using humor regarding the sensitive subject. I did the same thing. For instance, when I was asked the dreaded question again, I replied, “Well, we’re definitely practicing.” My response caused the inquirer to blush.
“Oh, was that an inappropriate response to an inappropriate question?” I scornfully thought.
Served him right.
Then, fatefully, people stopped asking. As bugged as I was about being asked, it hurt more not to be asked. Oh, the fickleness of a woman!
In my mind, it meant people gave up on the possibility of us having a baby. They KNEW we were experiencing infertility. I refused to talk about it, you know, because THAT’S healthy. I was mortified, though. Maybe that seems melodramatic, nonetheless it’s how I felt.
I underwent pity, judgement and superiority from others.
Women with children.
However, they WERE better than me. They were able to have children. At least that’s what I thought during the defeated state I was in.
One of these experiences occurred while at an event with the women from my church. I arrived a little late and ended up stuck at an unfortunate table. I quickly learned why there was an empty seat at their table. It was filled with snooty, young mothers.
We all know the type, right?
“HOW long have you been married?” one questioned.
Wondering why that mattered, I answered, “Four years.”
You would have thought I shot her mother right in front of her. In complete shock and horror, she replied, “Oh. You don’t have ANY children?”
You guys, did I miss something? Are we required to make babies the moment we walk down the aisle? That would be rather awkward for our guests, don’t you think?
Ironically, the snooty woman left her husband and children a couple years later. Yep, just left her kids.
Anyway, that’s beside the point and now I’m being the petty, snooty lady.
Our journey to parenthood didn’t come without its challenges, but frankly, I will never regret the years spent having my husband to myself. Those years allowed us to grow into a strong couple. Through all our challenges, we have walked away more resilient and for that I am eternally grateful.